it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
