Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
