Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
wow bdsm is so cute
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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