thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Randomize
