As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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