dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
