What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
