we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Randomize
