tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
