Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
