i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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