oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
...so i touched it.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize