Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
