Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
