end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
