i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
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