girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
