I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
