The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
