you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
