WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude i'm inner monologue high
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
