I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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