you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
