you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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