i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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