I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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