i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
