Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
