You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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