Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you traded sex for a burrito?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
