Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
