you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
