You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
