my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
