Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i barfeds in our rink
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
