wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize