Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
