i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
