Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
How external is "for external use only"?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Randomize
