I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
