new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
