I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
