the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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