Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize