Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
