Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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