We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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