I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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