She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize