So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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