I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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