We're like a lot better than the average bears
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize