Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
