your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
