it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
