Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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