Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
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