he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
