please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
