if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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