I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
