saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
