Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
