It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
