Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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