I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
