The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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