Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
