I puked a lego.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
