next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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