u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
