u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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