I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize