I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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