Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
