you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
