Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
