I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
