She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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